In the last week I have discovered more races for people to enjoy, some that were happily delivered to my inbox via Active.com. Thanks, Active - somehow you knew I was looking for crazier races than NYC or the Parks Half.
Sarcasm, people.... Don't forget sarcasm here.
Don't want to run a 5K? No problem. Become a zombie! Need a reason to run? A zombie coming after you might just do the trick! Maybe you saw World War Z this summer and are just plain ol' obsessed with Zombies. Then this is the race for you!
Ok, so what if Zombies really aren't your thing? Perhaps you read the Twilight books in one week and at one point in your life you were obsessed with vampires. Well, DC has the race for you!
Introducing, The Vampire 5k! You're goal is to not get bitten. Bring some garlic and sign yourself up! Don't worry, it's perfect timing for Halloween. If you sign up today (August 1st) you can still get the early-bird race special, and only need to pay $40.
What else did my Internet search provide me with this afternoon?
We have - The Hero Rush. An obstacle course with a fire-fighter theme. Besides the expected obstacles, you have to rush into a smoke-filled building and do CPR. I hope you're certified!
Now for the ladies. For the low price of $55 (if you sign up now), we have ourselves a race called, The Diva Dash. As the race advertisement says, ditch the dudes, and run! There are a few reasons why dudes aren't running this obstacle course: giant pink balloons, flower-covered obstacles, balance beams from your elementary school days.
I really wish that "women-only" events were a little less girly.....
I would rather do an Ironman than one of these. I seriously can't swim so doing an Ironman would essentially mean I'm going to drown, so my chances of doing one of those is .... zero times infinity.
Which still equals - Zero.
But wait, ladies! We are not done. Men, sorry to exclude you from this, but we have ourselves The Pretty Muddy! The slogan on their website reads, and I quote...
"It's like the greatest party ever - but muddier"
It's like, they give you mud pits, beach ball pits, and you get to like carry around pieces of wood on like your shoulders! In, like, a tutu!
I am now just realizing that maybe I shouldn't click on the links in the Active.com emails. They are sending me more and more wild races when all I'm interested in are actual running races. No obstacles. No paint. No pink. No zombies running after me. Perhaps when I click them they get feedback that says I clicked it, and they now think I'm totally into these races and want to run one.
But I'm not into them. I don't want to run one. I am still against them. Part of me finds it hilarious to see what they keep coming out with, but the other part of me can't stop shaking my head in disbelief. We, humans, are a strange bunch....
And now I'm thinking to my self....
"Did I seriously just spend all that time writing a post on something that I think is ridiculous?"
Time to unsubscribe from those Active emails....
Happy Day-Before Friday
This is Dani for you today.